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A Mom's incredible, fearful, humbling task of letting go.


This Saturday, my husband and I moved our son into college, in another state, the precious child we never thought we'd have had adoption not been possible. We spent almost nineteen years agonizing over every detail of his life... from where to live, to which preschool, which elementary school, which pediatrician, orthodontist, camps, trips, his first bike, each friend, first job, first car, grades, prom, girlfriends and high school graduation. An exhausting task for anyone. Feels harder when every decision is a negotiation bordering on a fight. We each want what's best for him and are willing to duke out our points of view. I know. It's because we love him so much.

When we got to the arena- yes, arena, where they handed out dorm room keys and ID's, kids went one way, and parents were shepherded another, I broke down and sobbed uncontrollably for a quick minute. I was overwhelmed the magnitude of the moment- leaving my child completely- away from my protection, direction and reach, my love and care, but also overcome by how good it felt to be among other these throngs of parents who were giving this to their kids, the gift of an education, something I never got from my parents.


I no longer have a choice- I have to let go my mind tells me, but the anxiety in my body- the churning stomach, the circular thoughts, the sleepless nights keep me trying to protect and parent from afar. But I am left humbled. Whatever I did - we did - right or wrong, has to be enough because it is no longer in our control. I have to trust my son and the world around him- the carefully curated dorm, college, major to take over where we left off. A very hard thing to do. I know you can relate.


My book, Redeemed, A Memoir of a Stolen Childhood will be published June 25, 2024.

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